


glory never felt so good (in theory)

by sawfilms



Category: American Idiot - Green Day (Album), American Idiot - Green Day/Armstrong
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Post-Canon, johnny and will helping each other recover after the events in the musical because. Yeah, oh its in first person, the stuff in the parenthesis is up to the readers interpretation, there really wasnt much of a point to this i was just Feeling It at like 2 AM, will says a meme but its funny i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawfilms/pseuds/sawfilms
Summary: when your triumphant return home is about as sturdy as a wet cardboard box(alternatively; will and johnny learn to recover together)
Relationships: Johnny/Will (American Idiot)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	glory never felt so good (in theory)

**Author's Note:**

> note: this is the first time i've really written something in first person so im so sorry if it seems Funky

I wish Will would stop looking at me like that. Like I’m hiding something, like I’m being dishonest.

_(You are)_

Doesn’t anyone have a right to privacy anymore? Isn’t that in the Constitution? Not that I care what’s on that old piece of paper, but isn’t it? A right to privacy?

_(The right to not admit to your best friend that you fucked up your life)_

So what if I wear long sleeves all the time? Doesn’t everyone do that once in a while? It’s cold out anyway, September’s a cold month.

_(When’s it gonna end)_

Stop staring at my arms Will, there’s nothing there for you to see. I tell him my eyes are up here and he looks spooked for a moment but then he laughs but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

_(When did it stop?)_

We don’t talk about the late nights. The waking up shaking and shivering and clutching and sobs muffled into sleep shirts. He holds me close and rubs my sleeve clad arms but doesn’t say a word until I’m almost asleep again.

“What _happened_ to you, Jesus?”

_Jesus_. I stopped being Jesus when I was crucified on a cross of my own making, needles instead of nails dug deep into my skin. There was no Judas though, no ultimate betrayer. Just me. It had always been me.

_(You wish it wasn’t still)_

Will corners me one day, catches me off guard as I lift a sleeve to scratch at something. I struggle when he grabs my arm and turns it. I want to laugh because it obviously wasn’t what he was expecting to find laid bare on my skin.

_(Pale and sickly and dead)_

His face drains of color and he stares at the track marks going up and down my arm. You could cut the tension with a knife. He grabs my other arm and I let him, looking out the window at the neighborhood that lay beyond the glass.

_(Paradise never felt so dull)_

I expect him to get angry, to shove me or to ask me why, or to tell me I’m a fuck up. I even wait for him to punch me in the face like I deserve.

_(She didn’t even slap you, but her words ached worse than a blow ever could)_

“Johnny..”

My head whips around and our eyes meet - doe like brown depths that always betrayed his emotions, he could never hide them though god knows he tried, fixed on mine - he hasn’t called me by my name since I came home.

_(No one has)_

His eyes are wet with unshed tears and this.. This hurts more than a punch ever could.

_(As it should)_

I open my mouth to say something, anything, crack a joke or make an excuse or pull something out of thin air to break the unwavering tension that surrounds us both but before I can he’s pulling me into an all encompassing embrace that jars me so deeply I gasp and hold on for dear life. Will sniffles into my hair and I’m frozen, the ache in my heart making tears well up in my own eyes.

_(You didn’t even cry when she left)_

Slowly, slowly, I relax and Will lets out a breath he must have been holding that entire time, and then he speaks.

“You could’ve told me, Johnny.. We tell each other everything, remember?”

_(Do we?)_

I want to laugh, but it comes out a choked sob instead as I let myself fall apart for the first time in a year, burying my face into Will’s hoodie that smells like weed and old booze and a hint of something I can only describe as home. Will only holds me tighter like those late nights where I wake up shivering shaking sobbing trembling in his arms until I eventually fall asleep.

I sniff, grimacing at the wet spot on Will’s hoodie, before I manage to get something out other than a pathetic whimper.

“It was..supposed to be my great triumph story.” Will snorts - it’s wet and gross so I can only assume he’s been crying too which makes me smile in reply. But it doesn’t last long as I pull back as much as I can with Will still holding me in his arms like a lost lover.

_(A hand grenade primed to blow)_

We’re looking at each other again, Will’s expression probably a mirror of my own with tears still rolling down his cheeks. My heart hurts.

_(3..)_

“I just..”

_(2..)_

“..I didn’t..”

_(1..)_

“..I didn’t want you to think I was weak.”

_(...)_

Silence. Will looks startled out of his tears and he’s staring at me stunned as if a bomb had gone off by his head, dazed. My heart is pounding in my chest and my breaths are stuttered and staccato. Then he’s leaning in, oh god wait he’s leaning in what is he _doing_ -

Will’s lips are chapped against mine. My stomach is in my shoes and my brain is high up in the clouds. I barely register when he’s pulled away until he’s talking again.

“You’re stronger than any U.S marine, Jesus.”

I blink. I blink again. My brain comes back to Earth and my stomach returns to its rightful place and what Will just said hits me like a freight train and the laugh that bursts from between my lips is loud and sharp. Will cracks a grin and soon we’re both laughing, leaning against each other gasping for air between fits of hysterical giggles that make my heart feel lighter than it has in so long I can’t remember when the last time it had felt like this had been. We’re still chuckling when I look at him again and he looks at me, eyes sparkling with a new life I hadn’t seen since I came home. I can only imagine that I look the same. I’m leaning in now and my lips are on his and Will responds and holy shit I’m kissing my best friend and I’ve never felt more at home in my entire life.

We break for air and Will’s eyes are closed, eyebrows raised slightly as if he’s still trying to live in the moment and I can’t help but grin because who would have thought? Will’s eyes flutter open after a pause and he immediately returns the grin and we’re laughing again, I can feel his hand curled around the back of my neck and mine are gripping his hoodie tight. We look at each other for a little longer before I snort and say;

“Don’t tell Tunny you said that, I hear he’s gotten good with his crutches.”

Will stares at me for a moment before he starts to laugh again and I’m laughing too because god help me I feel like I’m on top of the world.

The next day Will and I go to visit Tunny and his new girlfriend together.

I’m wearing a short sleeved shirt.


End file.
